From Far and Beyond of Nowhere

It had been years, after things were flipped and squashed to a pulp. I flipped my wallet to look at her photo and our photo, before I set out. Should I just send that text? Make that call? Post that photo on social media? I submitted question after question, for my brain to process, while my eyes followed every step, I made, through the human traffic of the pavements. The visit to the doctor wasn’t what I expected. The diagnosis was still trying to register. Only a few moments into the final steps of my eager walk, I pictured another catastrophe about to happen, but I didn’t know what was going to quiet down the rambles of debates in my head. Does this still matter? What am I doing? I looked at the lights blinking in many colours at the door of the bar, my watch, and the taxis parked around. “Hey handsome!” A lady called out. My joy finally rolled its sleeves and fought the questions to the finish. I crafted the best smile, presenting the best dental care, a dentist would end up out of...

My eyes moved with the hands of the clock, and eyelids were only held by the fear of not angering my boss who sat next to me. Fidgeting a bit in my seat and playing with my pen as the endless words poured out of the chairman's mouth about the start of the year goals and targets, pumped the slumber and exhaustion of the day, swelling into my eyes. My phone buzzed. A Dj booth and a tie being waved in my hand, is what I could anticipate. I couldn't stop imagining the hum of my engine and chatter of the streets, surrounding me in traffic, as I sing away to the radio songs and listen to the banter filled conversations the hosts had. Drifted and consumed into my imagination, a smile appeared out of nowhere as I looked out through the windows, into the horizon. "I see you are excited, we like that here" The chairman said. In a split moment, I slammed my pen on the smoothly polished wooden desk "Haha yes! Enthusiasm. Yes! Yes!" I said. "Wow! You must be really ...

I thought I read my journal, but this whole time, they were that friend in my head. Time had passed while I was in the chair. Music from the radio still played, as the engine rumbled for a bit, after I'd parked in my residence.  Another day, I thank the heavens, I made it through the roads. The evening was slowly approaching and whistling of wind breeze, flung open the half closed curtain at the window I forgot to close in the morning and the darkness encroached, dimming the glisten of the shot glass, in my hand, when I heard the words again "...What do you think you are doing? Who do you think you are? This world doesn't need you. You think everyone really respects you? Think again. You should scrape yourself from this existence. Look at how pathetic and useless you are to people. Find a pit of mud and lay in it...". My fist clenched, the shot glass, and my head weighed tons in a frozen position.  A million thoughts congested any space available to react to my stasis...