NO ONE'S SUPERMAN

It had been years, after things were flipped and squashed to a pulp. I flipped my wallet to look at her photo and our photo, before I set out. Should I just send that text? Make that call? Post that photo on social media? I submitted question after question, for my brain to process, while my eyes followed every step, I made, through the human traffic of the pavements. The visit to the doctor wasn’t what I expected. The diagnosis was still trying to register. Only a few moments into the final steps of my eager walk, I pictured another catastrophe about to happen, but I didn’t know what was going to quiet down the rambles of debates in my head. Does this still matter? What am I doing? I looked at the lights blinking in many colours at the door of the bar, my watch, and the taxis parked around. “Hey handsome!” A lady called out. My joy finally rolled its sleeves and fought the questions to the finish. I crafted the best smile, presenting the best dental care, a dentist would end up out of work for, only to realize that it was only another lucky chap, on a very fortunate date night. The green frosted glass, caught my eyesight, enticed by the many silhouettes I saw walk across, as the lights were switched on and music, soon started small dance offs at the car park. The scent of freshly opened brews brought me to the bar stool and counter.

“What’s it gonna be ol’ pal?” Benny asked. “Another text… Ah sorry, call, oh gosh no trip, visi… Ah gosh, what you got Benny?" I asked. “Well, it’s only 7pm Jim, are you the first to clear the stock or just a light start to the night? Huh?” Benny said. “ Wha… 7? Isn’t it 11 or something?” I said. I smudged my face, and sighed looking at my watch again. Benny wiped the counter, and calmly put a beer and opener by the side. I took a gulp to sooth the head and get into some sort of relaxation. The music played in the background, but the silence in my seat could keep a library working 24/7. I reckoned every of my old friend’s knew the news at this point. “Everyone sees you as a monster Jim, you have to accept it” I said to myself in my head. My reflection looked back at me from the dissolved foam of the second beer, which I put in a glass. I silently tried to deny what I felt may be completely true. Her group chat isn’t talking about how they feel sorry you lost it all, probably how she can’t be married to a maniac or madman. “Jimmy boy! It’s almost the time everyone gets on the dancefloor!” Benny said. “Akkh! Ouch! Ouch! What, What did you say Benny?” I asked. “Uhh the dancefloor, you okay?” Benny asked. “Ahh yeah, . She’s a comi… No, just don’t worry, She… Just more drink” I said

The paranoia, slowly started. Hallucinations and delusions were soon following. Maybe I should send that text, before it’s too late. I don’t know if the doctor or the devil are counting on me to win, but who is anyway. The more times, the crazy voices began in my head, so did the silence of realizing how alone I was, despite the mental health videos I’d seen online. “I’m not a monster, but I still am in the eyes of others. I’m sorry I couldn’t save everything when you needed me the most. One last time, before, I find another way. Regards, the monster trying to be your Superman” I finished typing. We’ll probably find each other in heaven.