NO ONE'S SUPERMAN
It had been years, after things were flipped and
squashed to a pulp. I flipped my wallet to look at her photo and our photo,
before I set out. Should I just send that text? Make that call? Post that photo
on social media? I submitted question after question, for my brain to process,
while my eyes followed every step, I made, through the human traffic of the
pavements. The visit to the doctor wasn’t what I expected. The diagnosis was
still trying to register. Only a few moments into the final steps of my eager
walk, I pictured another catastrophe about to happen, but I didn’t know what
was going to quiet down the rambles of debates in my head. Does this still matter? What am I doing? I looked at the
lights blinking in many colours at the door of the bar, my watch, and the taxis
parked around. “Hey handsome!” A lady called out. My joy finally rolled its
sleeves and fought the questions to the finish. I crafted the best smile,
presenting the best dental care, a dentist would end up out of work for, only
to realize that it was only another lucky chap, on a very fortunate date night.
The green frosted glass, caught my eyesight, enticed by the many silhouettes I
saw walk across, as the lights were switched on and music, soon started small
dance offs at the car park. The scent of freshly opened brews brought me to the
bar stool and counter.
“What’s it gonna be ol’ pal?” Benny asked. “Another
text… Ah sorry, call, oh gosh no trip, visi… Ah gosh, what you got Benny?" I
asked. “Well, it’s only 7pm Jim, are you the first to clear the stock or just a
light start to the night? Huh?” Benny said. “ Wha… 7? Isn’t it 11 or
something?” I said. I smudged my face, and sighed looking at my watch again.
Benny wiped the counter, and calmly put a beer and opener by the side. I took a
gulp to sooth the head and get into some sort of relaxation. The music played
in the background, but the silence in my seat could keep a library working
24/7. I reckoned every of my old friend’s knew the news at this point.
“Everyone sees you as a monster Jim, you have to accept it” I said to myself in
my head. My reflection looked back at me from the dissolved foam of the second
beer, which I put in a glass. I silently tried to deny what I felt may be
completely true. Her group chat isn’t talking about how they feel sorry you
lost it all, probably how she can’t be married to a maniac or madman. “Jimmy
boy! It’s almost the time everyone gets on the dancefloor!” Benny said. “Akkh!
Ouch! Ouch! What, What did you say Benny?” I asked. “Uhh the dancefloor, you
okay?” Benny asked. “Ahh yeah, . She’s a comi… No, just don’t worry, She… Just
more drink” I said
The paranoia, slowly started. Hallucinations and delusions were soon following. Maybe I should send that text, before it’s too late. I don’t know if the doctor or the devil are counting on me to win, but who is anyway. The more times, the crazy voices began in my head, so did the silence of realizing how alone I was, despite the mental health videos I’d seen online. “I’m not a monster, but I still am in the eyes of others. I’m sorry I couldn’t save everything when you needed me the most. One last time, before, I find another way. Regards, the monster trying to be your Superman” I finished typing. We’ll probably find each other in heaven.
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