TELL ME HOW YOU SIN DIFFERENTLY

"... A mad man is the only person who justice can shelter, if their behaviour hurts society, however, saints and sinners still bicker about who is the holder of greater virtues between them." My eyes scrolled passed the last sentence of the paragraph on the thin white paper of my self-help book recommended by my therapist. I'd also finally just updated my CV as the sunset was closely approaching and another day of the job search had gone unfruitful, as I stared deeply through the window at the people with big cars, happy families and infectious laughter of friend groups coming in one after another. "Good day isn't it?" The waiter said. "Ehem, sorry, sorry just finishing up" I said. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and pastries, suddenly congested the brim of my nostrils, when I lifted the cup for a sip and bite of my pie, after I anxiously continued waiting for a reply to my numerous job application after coming out of the prison and asylum, some months ago. Click after click on my phone, checking the WI-FI signal now and then, but the screen only showed the time and date of the day. "Excuse me, is the WiFi working?" I asked. "Uhm, yeah it should, let me confirm with the manager" the waiter said.

"This month's rent is due and your son needs uniform for school, again, I'll remind you that I am your wife,not those ladies you run after, get yourself together" Janet's text came in. "Hey there, I think we need to talk"  Yvonne texted me. "My friends and I really liked the party we had with your friends, the girls and I were thinking of a road trip? So much more fun away from town, with less restrictions" Bridgette texted. I tapped my feet and my slid my phone back in my pocket as I looked back into the restaurant with a light brown skinned lady in a blue dress and light blue coat, glimpse at me. I tried to  look away as it seemed like a familiar face. "The WI-FI, is working sir! Try it again now." The waiter said. I quickly snatched my phone from the pocket of my jacket and quickly opened my mail again. "...Unfortunately, we regret to inform you, we will not be moving forward with you, as per your criminal record..."  75 emails I scrolled through had the similar note.

Clicking heels, gradually tapped the marble floor, moving towards me in midst of the chatter and clanging kitchen utensils of the restaurant. "Ehem! Ehem! Oh well, who or what do we have here? A certain someone I know or knew?" A lady said. " Huh? Wha.. Oh, hah! Very funny, hello Grace, nice surprise" I said. She sat calmly as the extremely strong scented perfume, wafted across the table, removing the scent of coffee from the vicinity. I kept clicking, my phone and switching from looking at Grace and my screen.

"Ohhh, so someone's really busy? What have you been up to, since we last met handsome?" Grace asked. 

"Huh? G... Listen Grace... Uhm, just wait... Okay, listen, this isn't like last time, I'm out here trying to get a good start for myself." I said

"Oh reeeeally? And how is that going for you so far?" Grace said. 

"It's going good, making head way, you know." I said. 

"Pfft! Look for better lies than you had, when you were on your shifts. Still have the same phone when you were taken in huh? I know you. So what's up, you outlaw?" Grace asked.

"Trying to get a better start at life Grace. Just simple as that. What about you holier than thou? What makes you so good at this?" I said.

"If you ever need something, you know where to reach me, just like you used to, to get Janet. For me, I simply know how to use my assets unlike yourself." Grace said

Grace dipped her hand into her handbag and showed me her car keys. I quickly stuffed into my pockets to check for my phone and still scroll for more places to get jobs. The music of the restaurant, played, as Grace, danced a bit in her seat.

"What about ol' poor Jonathan?" I asked

"Ohhh don't get me started on that sad excuse of a father of a child. I needed to get my life in a quality state, and it's not like we even planned that family. Sue me! I'm sure, my new guy can handle it" Grace said.

"So you got back to night runs huh? Once bitten not shy eh?" I said.

"You know... Just forget it, I found a way and I made it, I don't know what you seem to be complaining about and you aren't involved"

"I knew Jonathan and he wasn't the guy you think he was. He just wasn't how we both were taught about the secular world. He wanted to be the family guy and best Christian, but you know sooner or later."

"Should have known he was way above his wavelength, trying to be someone he's not on a night out, at a place he doesn't know."

"So are you gonna help?"

The orange sky, with few sun rays began to fade, and the darkness began to clock into the day. Calm winds of the night blew past the creeks of the open windows. More emails were sent but my others still did not appear

"It's getting late, don't you have to get back to Janet or does she have no time for you now? There's not much space for people like us, like I said use your assets" Grace asked.

Her heels clicked on the marble flow as we walked out passed the door, with the lights of the parking beaming at us breaking the darkness as we walked towards the car.

"Grace, don't you believe there's something different?" I asked.

"For what, David? For what?"

"To be better than we were or are. Are night's out at clubs and roadsides all you were?"

"Huh? What?... David!"

"No I'm serious"

"Where do you think we'd really go after all we were? I have a kid, from my night's out to make money, you're a schizophrenic who committed crimes. I'm sure I'm the few people who get you. Do you think we have a place apart from who we were?"

"Just to be better, I'll be honest..."

"About you having trouble trying to be like the "normal" people? Just say it. You wanna be like Jonathan or is counselling getting to you?"

"C'mon Grace! Are you that finished?"

"David!"

"I'm just looking for a better way"

"It's either you are there or here, there's no in-between. I'm not desirable to a lot of men, and you sure aren't to a lot of ladies. Anyway here is my number if you ever make a decision soon."

The engine rumbled, and Grace, sped off in a distance. I was left contemplating what to do after everything was going down the drain. I guess saints and sinners do bicker after all.