NOT YOUR REFELCTION

 Another week had come to a close. A couple of minutes after a deep sigh. The clanging of keys on the wooden polished floor met the beaming of rays from the evening sunlight coming from the windows above the green cushioned couch, I stared before me. I stood the same way, after the squeaking door, slowly shut, behind met, as I walked in. I could still feel the waft of expensive pungent perfumes on the brim of my nose, reminding me of the compliments that flooded in, from today. Water gushed from the tap, and I worked with my palms to freshen the face of intense labour, coupled with a strain to keep a proper approachable demeanor. My phone beeped and I turned to look at the mirror after a small peek at the notifications from the videos, I had watched on social media applications and the replies to texts I had sent through the day. "...Noo, let a man come healed...What type of man does that? Get a therapist...I can't be listening to all that whining..." A video played. "What are you looking at?" I asked. "Damn it! I said what are you looking at?!" I asked again. "You know it was your fault, everything was on you, and it just crumbled like a snow in an avalanche" The voice in my head called out. "The truth, is that no one cared if you were helpless, you needed to carry everything" The voice called out again. Deep sigh after another, I looked myself in the eye. That other person on the other side.

Nothing seemed to be working in the working world and neither were the new treatment plans from the doctor. The blood vessels, on my neck popped through the collar and the white of my eyes were plastered with a scarlet red hue. Water run from the tap and only what broke the loneliness and silence that filled the empty space surrounding me. "...Do you think he'll want a family some day?...What about a date over the weekend?...He's sooo great with kids!.." I kept recalling the compliments to make sense of it all, but where would they go with the skeletons I have? No one knows the depth of troubles apart from her. She'd ran off. She saw it but it escorted her where she would be away. I stared at the ceiling counting the time, as the darkness of night crept in. Where would she be? Have I been chasing ghosts trying to revive myself? You've seen your purge from her from every video, your family and friends, isn't evidence enough? I ruminated the issue. Maybe the answer is there but you keep trying to see something different. It's either I'm consumed to be a philosopher or I become a demon, that hell never sought to use until, the moment called for it.

My phone played the videos, as I thought about who would be winning the blame game in my head. "It's your fault you freak! You messed everything! You weren't even supposed to be here!" I shouted. The echo rebounded back at me. "That's what you get for trying to run, I keep coming back" The voice said. "You just make everything worse!" I shouted. Suddenly, I heard some heels walk in the silence of my doorstep. I froze and stood still. The heels clipped a few more times, as though they were pacing around. They almost sounded familiar but still couldn't still recognize them. "Hi! Guess whoooo? My name starts with an M and I was impressed by you today! Can I come in?" She said.