From Far and Beyond of Nowhere

 Another week had come to a close. A couple of minutes after a deep sigh. The clanging of keys on the wooden polished floor met the beaming of rays from the evening sunlight coming from the windows above the green cushioned couch, I stared before me. I stood the same way, after the squeaking door, slowly shut, behind met, as I walked in. I could still feel the waft of expensive pungent perfumes on the brim of my nose, reminding me of the compliments that flooded in, from today. Water gushed from the tap, and I worked with my palms to freshen the face of intense labour, coupled with a strain to keep a proper approachable demeanor. My phone beeped and I turned to look at the mirror after a small peek at the notifications from the videos, I had watched on social media applications and the replies to texts I had sent through the day. "...Noo, let a man come healed...What type of man does that? Get a therapist...I can't be listening to all that whining..." A video played. ...

It had been years, after things were flipped and squashed to a pulp. I flipped my wallet to look at her photo and our photo, before I set out. Should I just send that text? Make that call? Post that photo on social media? I submitted question after question, for my brain to process, while my eyes followed every step, I made, through the human traffic of the pavements. The visit to the doctor wasn’t what I expected. The diagnosis was still trying to register. Only a few moments into the final steps of my eager walk, I pictured another catastrophe about to happen, but I didn’t know what was going to quiet down the rambles of debates in my head. Does this still matter? What am I doing? I looked at the lights blinking in many colours at the door of the bar, my watch, and the taxis parked around. “Hey handsome!” A lady called out. My joy finally rolled its sleeves and fought the questions to the finish. I crafted the best smile, presenting the best dental care, a dentist would end up out of...

My eyes moved with the hands of the clock, and eyelids were only held by the fear of not angering my boss who sat next to me. Fidgeting a bit in my seat and playing with my pen as the endless words poured out of the chairman's mouth about the start of the year goals and targets, pumped the slumber and exhaustion of the day, swelling into my eyes. My phone buzzed. A Dj booth and a tie being waved in my hand, is what I could anticipate. I couldn't stop imagining the hum of my engine and chatter of the streets, surrounding me in traffic, as I sing away to the radio songs and listen to the banter filled conversations the hosts had. Drifted and consumed into my imagination, a smile appeared out of nowhere as I looked out through the windows, into the horizon. "I see you are excited, we like that here" The chairman said. In a split moment, I slammed my pen on the smoothly polished wooden desk "Haha yes! Enthusiasm. Yes! Yes!" I said. "Wow! You must be really ...

I thought I read my journal, but this whole time, they were that friend in my head. Time had passed while I was in the chair. Music from the radio still played, as the engine rumbled for a bit, after I'd parked in my residence.  Another day, I thank the heavens, I made it through the roads. The evening was slowly approaching and whistling of wind breeze, flung open the half closed curtain at the window I forgot to close in the morning and the darkness encroached, dimming the glisten of the shot glass, in my hand, when I heard the words again "...What do you think you are doing? Who do you think you are? This world doesn't need you. You think everyone really respects you? Think again. You should scrape yourself from this existence. Look at how pathetic and useless you are to people. Find a pit of mud and lay in it...". My fist clenched, the shot glass, and my head weighed tons in a frozen position.  A million thoughts congested any space available to react to my stasis...

  I thought about how my next breaths would add more to my life, and possibly those of others. The buzzing of my phone, reminded me, I have yet to deliver to some promises, that were extremely needed. The last time I answered, my daughter couldn't speak well. It was all on me now. My eyes, glued their surface to the ground, from the stares and sudden slow walks that I invited as I made awkward steps into the thin spaces available in the human traffic, on the pavement, while occasionally, shooting my eyesight, to what was in front of me. Strain, latched onto my legs, while trying to keep my mind focused, on the distance, where uneven shades of yellow, which came from cracked street lights, patching, the recently darkened walls and chipped cement floor, slowly appearing in the horizon, when I made my way, squishing through the tossed paper bags and rotting fruit in the smudgy mud on the paths of the market. Before, I could be wrapped in relief, I shook the coins in my pocket, realizi...

 Each pounding of my heart, rhythmically, followed, the growing, thin film of sweat, washing the dried mud from my face, one grain at a time. My wobbly fist, clenched the torn and muddy clothing, which was only a fiber away from becoming a pattern of loose threads, covering my mud crusted abdomen. A competition with a snail, would be the appropriate, fashion in which, I managed to get the entrance of the restaurant, with my heart and stomach struggling to maintain their structure, as fear, swallowed their normalcy, intoxicating every ability to think. The suns rays, comforted, the freezing, anxiety, that stabbed me like a hunter's blade, cutting through meat, but still stung the struggle that fatigue, punched, into my injuries and lack of sleep. Despite it, being day-time, I became a ghost from the ancestors, wading through, the crowd of the citizens of the country, like I didn't appear, covering my face. I couldn't believe myself. Another trip to the counter, only with the...

 A sudden, sharp, squeaking, of the chair, darted into the comfort of my hearing, while squeezed under the desk. The wind was no rival to the gliding and flapping papers that merged with the room's atmosphere, as I heard Nimilani's weight, suffocating the chairs ability to keep anything balanced as well as the sudden drop on the desk, followed by his huge plunge of despair. I swiveled out of my squeezed position, like a soldier out of the trenches, searching to see if the trouble had ended. The flip of my eyelids, went as fast as the cleaning of windshield wipers, when I stretched out my legs to get a look at Nimilani. "Nim...Ni..." I stuttered as I got close to the ruffled up papers and scatter of pens. Nimilani, calmly, lifted his neck, as though, the weight of his head, had, become a building itself. The despair, oozed out like a honey from a beehive, pouring down its surface, as his eyes, were swollen, as the belly of a well fed hippo. "Ahh, aah... Mmmh... Ar...